39 ways to annoy your bartender

Some people think bartending is an easy job. Wrong. There’s a lot more to it than just pulling beer. When you’re standing behind the bar you are a host, a psychologist, a bodyguard, a DJ, a conversationalist and a cleaner. You have to be the most responsible person in the room and you are not part of the party.

That said, it can be one of the most rewarding jobs around and when it goes well, you feel great. However, there can be quite a lot of pressure, making sure everyone behaves themselves and that, more importantly, everyone has a good time. You’re on your feet the whole night and you’ll be mopping and trashing out when the bar’s revellers are long home in bed.

So you’re allowed to get annoyed by certain things that customers do. From years of working behind the bar and from asking our bartender friends here are just some of the things you shouldn’t say or do if you don’t want to annoy your bartender.

39 ways to annoy your bartender

1. Demanding attention by waving a hand

Bartender thinks: I can see you. It’s my job. I saw you when you entered and I’ll get to you as soon as is humanly possible.

2. Demanding your attention by snapping your fingers

Sorry, manners. If you’re looking for a way to not get served, that’s it.

3. Getting your attention, then not knowing what you want

You have ample time to think about what you want to order. Besides, there are other customers and they know exactly what they want.

4. Coming up in a group, demanding your attention, and then when they have it start asking each other what they want

See above.

5. When you’ve been served and you ask “how much”?

I can do mental arithmetic, but just give me some cash or a card and I’ll let you know.

6. When a gentleman points to the pretty woman who was behind him in the queue to get served before him.

There’s a system here. I know exactly the order of people to serve. I know you want to impress her, but it’s not for you to decide.

7. "Can I charge my phone?" 

You’re more than welcome to charge your phone, but please not at peak service on a Saturday night, I won’t be able to keep an eye on it.

8. “A cocktail please!” what cocktail? We have 23664 cocktails on the list

I know it can be daunting when you don’t know much about cocktails, but peak service is not the time to develop an interest in one. Just order a classic that you know. They’re classic for a reason.

9. Those who order a frozen drink on a very busy Saturday night

Let it go…

10. A group asking for 7 Pina Coladas on a very busy Saturday night

I don’t have a giant Pina Colada-making machine, although I wish I did.

11. A group asking for 7 Pina Coladas on a very busy Saturday night, one at the time

I know you like Pina Coladas, but please, it’s raining outside, why don’t you go and get caught in it?

12. Asking for one drink, and when the drink is served, asking for another drink, and again and again.

Let’s work together here. Elect a spokesperson from your group. That spokesperson can act as an ‘interface’ with your bartender. Simple.

13. “15 mojitos”

My arms simply can’t take it.

14. Placing an order and then disappearing to talk to your friends.

When you place an order there is an unspoken rule that you wait at the bar with cash in hand, until your drink arrives.

15. Not leaving a tip

Seriously?

16. “A Long Island. Strong.”

It’s physically impossible to make a weak Long Island.

17. “Jägermeister Redbull”

This is not a frat house party.

18. Asking for two straws

Straws have been cancelled. Grow up.

19. "What's your coldest beer?"

“…”

20. "What's the best beer you have?"

The one I’m going to serve you now.

21. Requesting a song 

Unless there’s a jukebox, I choose the songs.

22. Or even worse can they plug in their phone and play music. 

Nope.

23. People who ask why when you tell them to stop doing something. 

Please, I have my reasons, just stop it.

24. “What time do you finish?”

No.

25. “What are you doing after work?”

Really, no. 

26. "Where are you from? How long have you lived here?”

You are creeping me out.

27. “Can you show me your smile?”

Ok, I’m calling the police.

28. “Show us ya tits luv”.

There’s the door.

29. Seeing a drink someone else got served before:
    “That looked nice. What is it?”
    “Oh. nice. What‘s in it?”
    “Oh nice. Can you make it without vodka?
     
30. “Surprise me!”

If you want a surprise you’re getting an Old Fashioned.

31. “Whatever you want”

Old Fashioned.

32. "A shot you like!"
    "Sambuca?"
    "Disgusting"

33. “I’m xxx’s friend, I know everyone here!”

What’s your order?

34. Your colleagues off duty ordering the most complicated cocktail ever just to show off

You, of all people, should know how this works.

35. A group of people ordering 23 cocktails and when you bring them to the table they can’t remember who ordered what

I’ll just leave them all here and you can figure it out.

36. “Please don’t put too much ice”

How many ice cubes would one like?

37. “A white wine with ice”

Hey, it’s your life.

“Can I have it shaken?”

I’ll shake it alright.

39. Asking for “The last one” when the bar has already closed.

The best words you’ll utter all shift – “The. Bar. Is. Closed”.

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